I know for sure.
I don’t write often.
Well, I do in my head! I intend to write blogs.
I have so much I can and would like to share. I get lost in the process of the day to day. The priority of one task is to create a new priority.
I give permission to others to create distractions or even avoidance. I also wonder why I write.
Who cares?
Who is interested?
Does it matter?
This then stops me from writing. I do this thing that I think so much, really overthink, over-analyze without the facts. Then it moves into the realms of emotion, then it gets skewed, and like a good story, it becomes from one sentence into a whole book without any basis of what’s real and not. This is dangerous for me as I spiral downwards, reverse inwards, become more introverted, hide, and reject the outside world as I am safer in the internal world. I actively must manage myself through it, and it’s exhausting.
To stop this projection into a story without basis, I sporadically audio journal also am now working on being more consistent with my morning pages.[1] This expulsion is a way of clearing the fog, the dense emotional webs, the misinformation, the filled in gaps, the “I think it must be this” and not sure instead of the I know for sure.
What I thought would be a good activity for me as I sit on many oxymoronic fences about not having a specific cause yet am very opinionated and have strong beliefs. A deep passion does not drive me; something so important that shapes every part of life like some have. I have many tremors inside- things that I want to know, understand, and connect to, which I can easily disconnect from when I have more knowledge. This is seen by many as indecision, swapping and changing, not knowing yet I am certain I know for sure what I know and why.
This got me thinking and reminded me of a book I read in Mallorca serval years ago by Oprah What I Know for sure?
What do I know for sure?
What are those fundamental things that I have learned that haven’t swayed, stayed static and allowed me to move from being an internal storyteller to action? I am a doer; I get shit done in my work life. That is my role and how I am seen. “Ask Debbie” it will get done; in my work relationships, I am seen as knowledgeable, aware, capable, reliable, consistent, creative, daring, and respected.
Personally, I am told I’m selfish, stubborn, un-present, I have love and dislike in equal quantities; I have strong bonds with some and tenuous with others; I’m rejected repeatedly, judged, undermined, and not accepted, all of which is very difficult at times yet also give me the capability to be better at what I do. This oxymoron life is what I know for sure is how life is. I cannot change others, only myself. I cannot make others see me in the way I may desire to be seen. So, I started to write what I know for sure. They are personal to me, and some may be relevant to you, some you may disagree with, some may not make sense or be your experience, and that’s the point, isn’t it? My truth, my experience until I know for sure.
Lemons we had grown when we live in Mallorca. Lemons remind me of that saying when “life gives you lemons make lemonade” ultimately a good example of a I know for sure - well someone’s! Only made lemonade once and that was years ago and i have had a lot of lemons!
The most important and overriding know for sure is
I know for sure I know nothing.
The others I live and reconnect with regularly as they give me internal and external balance.
I know for sure that assumption is destructive.
I know for sure that good intent is not always received the way you intended.
I know for sure that family is not just blood.
I know for sure that relationships are difficult, worth the work and not what you ever thought they would be.
I know for sure that giving something time is always good.
I know for sure that grief is more than death.
I know for sure that home is where you are currently that makes you feel safe, well and balanced.
I know for sure that travelling is the best educator.
I know for sure that age does not equate to experience, skill, or knowledge.
I know for sure that cognitive dissonance is prevalent in so many that you learn to know you (have values, ethics, honesty, and self-truth).
I know for sure that being in a family, you do not need to like them or even love them, yet respect is essential.
I know for sure that the only person that knows what you like, think, feel, believe, and value is you.
I know for sure that people will tell you what you are, feel, think, or do, and it’s not you at all. This is their opinion and just that, opinion. You decide.
I know for sure that judging others is always wrong.
I know for sure that being grateful is not easy.
I know for sure that simple is always complex.
I know for sure that we wallow because we get stuck.
I know for sure that when someone blames, projects or shames others and it is not your responsibility.
I know for sure that the only person that can change is yourself.
I know for sure that desiring others to change is the biggest waste of energy.
I know for sure that being a dick takes as much energy as being good and kind.
I know for sure that giving must always be without recognition, or else it’s not giving it ends up being a desire to be liked, controlled, manipulative, coercing or attention-seeking.
I know for sure that money doesn’t make you happy yet gives you the ability to make more choices.
I know for sure that choices are personal and relative and not for someone else to choose for you.
I know for sure listening is not hearing.
I know for sure that what you say is not heard the way you intended as its received in the emotional state of the other, so you must accept that what you say is only relevant to you.
I know for sure that the desire to be liked is damaging.
I know for sure that truth and experience belong ONLY to the individual; the same truth and experience can be different for everyone.
I know for sure that emotions are fleeting and should not be part of any decision making
I know for sure that you can experience good and bad, happiness and grief, joy and anger, love and dislike can be experienced simultaneously.
I know for sure that nobody really “cares” about you; they always resort to how it feels for them.
I know for sure that relationships are like a tree; they can grow strong, can live in shallow soils, and still have roots, be damaged by weather, and remain standing yet it needs more than one thing to keep them growing and sometimes the tree needs chopping down.
I know for sure emotions are weary, exhausting, and bothersome.
I know for sure that joy and happiness are intertwined with monotony and sadness.
